The ride home was a lot easier. Seth and Charlene dropped me off, and begged for me to reconsider about meeting everyone at the bar later. I told him I would think about it, and said goodbye. When I got to my room I put on some music and layed down on my bed. All I could think about was Andy. Then "One year, six months" By Yellowcard came on, and I started to cry. I just wanted him to be safe and with me again. It was going to be a long 8 months. I got up and found a pen and some paper. I decided to write him a letter.
"Andystar,
'I'm falling into memories of you,and things we used to do Follow me there A beautiful somewhere A place that I can share with you.'. . ."
It was a long letter. I told him how I felt, and how I missed him. When I was done I felt so much better. It was a rather bittersweet feeling, however. I wanted to see him so bad. I started looking back at things and how my life was and decided I really wanted to go to school. It also seemed like a great way for me to keep my mind off Andy. The very next day I went to the community college and registered for a few classes. I wasn't thrilled about taking out loans to pay for it, but knowing I'd be doing something with my life seemed to cheer me up. The next two months were uneventful. I went to school and worked, and waited to hear back from Andy. He still hadn't called or even written me back. I was starting to give up hope of ever hearing from him, when one day there was a letter in the mailbox. I pulled it out, and couldn't help but smile when I saw my name and address written in his letter. I ran up to the apartment, and straight back to my room where I could tare it open and read it. I jumped on my bed, and opened the little white envelope carefully so I wouldn't tare it.
"Macey,
Thank you for your letter. I'm sorry about taking so long to write you back. I've seen a lot of awful things here. Fuck, I've done a lot of awful things. Today we opened fire on our own fucking troops. OUR OWN TROOPS! I killed a kid younger then me. I'm 20 damn it! I always question why I'm here, and wish I was back there with everyone. But then I see the families of the people here. And the kids. God the kids break my heart. Then I remember why I'm here. War is an ugly thing, brutal. I'm a monster, but I hope I'm helping these kids, and their families. I havn't slept in two days, so I only hope this makes sense to you. Also, please don't write me again. I will always love you, but I'm not the same person anymore. I'm a complete contradiction to myself, and I want you to be with someone you deserve. Keep being my sweet Macey, but do it without me. I love you,
Andy"
I started to cry, and wanted to rip up the letter, but I couldn't. He sounded so sad. I was horrified at what he must be going through. I was hurt that he thought he wasn't good enough for me. He was everything to me! I got up to find paper to write him back, but I changed my mind. I decided if I was going to speak to him again, it would have to be when he got back. I sighed, and folded up the letter, stuffing it back into the envelope. I tucked it away in my drawer, and called Charlene. I hadn't seen her since the day Andy left. "Hey, I'm sure he just wrote that because he has had a bad time." She said. "But we had so much, right?" I asked her. "Yeah, you two kids did. I was so jealous of you guys." She said, and laughed. "I don't know what to do now." I told her. "You are going to come to a part with me tomorrow night. And get your mind off Andy! All you have been doing is working and going to school. I think you need a break." She said. "That's okay. I-" "Bullshit! You are coming out." She said. I laughed. "Okay. Come pick me up." I told her. "8:00, Seth and I will swing by." She said. "Seth? When are you two going to date?" I asked. "Oh fuck! It has been a while since I've seen you. We are dating." She said. "About time!" I said, and she laughed. We talked for a while longer before we hung up. I changed into my pajamas and went out to watch TV with Elizabeth.
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The ride home was a lot easier. Seth and Charlene dropped me off, and begged for me to reconsider about meeting everyone at the bar later. I told him I would think about it, and said goodbye. When I got to my room I put on some music and layed down on my bed. All I could think about was Andy. Then "One year, six months" By Yellowcard came on, and I started to cry. I just wanted him to be safe and with me again. It was going to be a long 8 months. I got up and found a pen and some paper. I decided to write him a letter.
"Andystar,
'I'm falling into memories of you,and things we used to do Follow me there A beautiful somewhere A place that I can share with you.'. . ."
It was a long letter. I told him how I felt, and how I missed him. When I was done I felt so much better. It was a rather bittersweet feeling, however. I wanted to see him so bad.
I started looking back at things and how my life was and decided I really wanted to go to school. It also seemed like a great way for me to keep my mind off Andy. The very next day I went to the community college and registered for a few classes. I wasn't thrilled about taking out loans to pay for it, but knowing I'd be doing something with my life seemed to cheer me up.
The next two months were uneventful. I went to school and worked, and waited to hear back from Andy. He still hadn't called or even written me back. I was starting to give up hope of ever hearing from him, when one day there was a letter in the mailbox. I pulled it out, and couldn't help but smile when I saw my name and address written in his letter. I ran up to the apartment, and straight back to my room where I could tare it open and read it. I jumped on my bed, and opened the little white envelope carefully so I wouldn't tare it.
"Macey,
Thank you for your letter. I'm sorry about taking so long to write you back. I've seen a lot of awful things here. Fuck, I've done a lot of awful things. Today we opened fire on our own fucking troops. OUR OWN TROOPS! I killed a kid younger then me. I'm 20 damn it! I always question why I'm here, and wish I was back there with everyone. But then I see the families of the people here. And the kids. God the kids break my heart. Then I remember why I'm here. War is an ugly thing, brutal. I'm a monster, but I hope I'm helping these kids, and their families. I havn't slept in two days, so I only hope this makes sense to you.
Also, please don't write me again. I will always love you, but I'm not the same person anymore. I'm a complete contradiction to myself, and I want you to be with someone you deserve. Keep being my sweet Macey, but do it without me. I love you,
Andy"
I started to cry, and wanted to rip up the letter, but I couldn't. He sounded so sad. I was horrified at what he must be going through. I was hurt that he thought he wasn't good enough for me. He was everything to me! I got up to find paper to write him back, but I changed my mind. I decided if I was going to speak to him again, it would have to be when he got back. I sighed, and folded up the letter, stuffing it back into the envelope. I tucked it away in my drawer, and called Charlene. I hadn't seen her since the day Andy left.
"Hey, I'm sure he just wrote that because he has had a bad time." She said.
"But we had so much, right?" I asked her.
"Yeah, you two kids did. I was so jealous of you guys." She said, and laughed.
"I don't know what to do now." I told her.
"You are going to come to a part with me tomorrow night. And get your mind off Andy! All you have been doing is working and going to school. I think you need a break." She said.
"That's okay. I-"
"Bullshit! You are coming out." She said. I laughed.
"Okay. Come pick me up." I told her.
"8:00, Seth and I will swing by." She said.
"Seth? When are you two going to date?" I asked.
"Oh fuck! It has been a while since I've seen you. We are dating." She said.
"About time!" I said, and she laughed. We talked for a while longer before we hung up. I changed into my pajamas and went out to watch TV with Elizabeth.
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