I sat on my bed staring at my phone. My eyes were red, swollen, but dry. I couldn't cry anymore. Andy was calling me, I watched his name flash across my phone while I held it. I hit the answer button, but didn't say anything. I just held it up to my ear. "Macey?" He asked. "Macey, are you there?" "Yeah." Was all I said. "I'm sorry. But I had to do this. It's really important to me. I need to do something good." He said. "Go work in a fucking soup kitchen then." I said. "That's not fair." He said. "No it's not! But neither is you joining the Army, and not telling me. And then breaking up with me on top of it. I thought I was important. I love you damn it." I said, starting to cry again. I guess my body had a reserve somewhere. "If something happens to me, I can't bear to think of leaving you behind. Trust me, it's better this way." He said. "Fuck you." I told him. "Macey-" "NO! Fuck you! Don't call me again." I said, and hung up. I wished I hadn't said it. I still do, but I said it. And he didn't call me back. In fact, I didn't see him again until he was done in Basic, and in school. I went to the airport on the day he was leaving for Iraq, because Charlene insisted I got to see Jason and Andy off. I rode with her and Seth, and didn't say a damn thing. It had been a few months, but I was still very far from over Andy. I was still very far from forgiving him. We pulled up to the airport and I walked quietly behind them. I saw Jarrod first when I turned the corner. Then I saw Andy's Aunt Karen and Jason's parents. There were so many people I didn't know. Mostly their family. I went to where our friends were standing and realized I hadn't seen most of them since that horrible first day of fall when we heard the news. Last, I saw Jason and Andy. There were so many other soldiers there with family. So many young women, and children. I felt like crying. Andy saw me, and the smile he had dropped from his face. It took everything I had not to run towards him, crying. I wanted to feel his warm, firm, loving arms around me. I wanted to kiss him, and soak his uniform with tears. But I held myself back. Instead he walked over to me. "Hi." He said. "Hi." I answered. He looked tougher. Which was strange to see. He had always been more reserved, and kind of thin. Now he was full of muscle and looked like he could take on a whole army by himself. "You look good." I added. "You look amazing." he said. I started crying. I couldn't hold it in anymore. "No, don't do that." He said. I could hear tears in his own voice. He hugged me, and pulled me so close to him. He smelled so good. A thousand memories of him swam through my head. A thousand and more. He smelled my hair, and I thought I would die right there in his arms. "I'm so, so, so sorry." He said. "I've missed you so much. Please know that." "I do." I said. I wasn't sure he could even understand I was crying so hard. "I love you." He said. "I love you too." I said. "I promise I'll write you when I get over there." He said. "Please don't go. GOD, please don't go!" I sobbed. "I have to. But don't worry about me, okay? I'll be helping alot of people." He said. "I'll worry about you every minute until you are back." I said. I had steadied my crying enough to look at him. "Don't think I wont." Then he kissed me. Oh, god he kissed me! I wrapped my arm around his neck, and let him. I don't know how long we stood there kissing, but I didn't want him to stop. I knew once he stopped he would be leaving. "Hey, Andy Star!" Jason called. We named him Andy Star, after hearing the Killers song, "Andy You're A Star". "No." I said. "Forgive me?" He asked. "Always." I said. He started to walk way, but I grabbed his arm. He turned, and I reached behind my neck, feeling for the clasp on my necklace. It wasn't anything fancy, just a silver star on a chain. I took it off, and handed it to him. He smiled, and put it in his front pocket on his jacket. Then he turned and walked to Jason. They both turned around one last time, and I waved to them. I waved, not knowing I would never see one of them again.
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I sat on my bed staring at my phone. My eyes were red, swollen, but dry. I couldn't cry anymore. Andy was calling me, I watched his name flash across my phone while I held it. I hit the answer button, but didn't say anything. I just held it up to my ear.
"Macey?" He asked. "Macey, are you there?"
"Yeah." Was all I said.
"I'm sorry. But I had to do this. It's really important to me. I need to do something good." He said.
"Go work in a fucking soup kitchen then." I said.
"That's not fair." He said.
"No it's not! But neither is you joining the Army, and not telling me. And then breaking up with me on top of it. I thought I was important. I love you damn it." I said, starting to cry again. I guess my body had a reserve somewhere.
"If something happens to me, I can't bear to think of leaving you behind. Trust me, it's better this way." He said.
"Fuck you." I told him.
"Macey-"
"NO! Fuck you! Don't call me again." I said, and hung up.
I wished I hadn't said it. I still do, but I said it. And he didn't call me back. In fact, I didn't see him again until he was done in Basic, and in school.
I went to the airport on the day he was leaving for Iraq, because Charlene insisted I got to see Jason and Andy off.
I rode with her and Seth, and didn't say a damn thing. It had been a few months, but I was still very far from over Andy. I was still very far from forgiving him. We pulled up to the airport and I walked quietly behind them. I saw Jarrod first when I turned the corner. Then I saw Andy's Aunt Karen and Jason's parents. There were so many people I didn't know. Mostly their family. I went to where our friends were standing and realized I hadn't seen most of them since that horrible first day of fall when we heard the news. Last, I saw Jason and Andy. There were so many other soldiers there with family. So many young women, and children. I felt like crying. Andy saw me, and the smile he had dropped from his face. It took everything I had not to run towards him, crying. I wanted to feel his warm, firm, loving arms around me. I wanted to kiss him, and soak his uniform with tears. But I held myself back. Instead he walked over to me.
"Hi." He said.
"Hi." I answered. He looked tougher. Which was strange to see. He had always been more reserved, and kind of thin. Now he was full of muscle and looked like he could take on a whole army by himself.
"You look good." I added.
"You look amazing." he said. I started crying. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
"No, don't do that." He said. I could hear tears in his own voice. He hugged me, and pulled me so close to him. He smelled so good. A thousand memories of him swam through my head. A thousand and more. He smelled my hair, and I thought I would die right there in his arms.
"I'm so, so, so sorry." He said. "I've missed you so much. Please know that."
"I do." I said. I wasn't sure he could even understand I was crying so hard.
"I love you." He said.
"I love you too." I said.
"I promise I'll write you when I get over there." He said.
"Please don't go. GOD, please don't go!" I sobbed.
"I have to. But don't worry about me, okay? I'll be helping alot of people." He said.
"I'll worry about you every minute until you are back." I said. I had steadied my crying enough to look at him. "Don't think I wont."
Then he kissed me. Oh, god he kissed me! I wrapped my arm around his neck, and let him. I don't know how long we stood there kissing, but I didn't want him to stop. I knew once he stopped he would be leaving.
"Hey, Andy Star!" Jason called. We named him Andy Star, after hearing the Killers song, "Andy You're A Star".
"No." I said.
"Forgive me?" He asked.
"Always." I said. He started to walk way, but I grabbed his arm. He turned, and I reached behind my neck, feeling for the clasp on my necklace. It wasn't anything fancy, just a silver star on a chain. I took it off, and handed it to him. He smiled, and put it in his front pocket on his jacket. Then he turned and walked to Jason. They both turned around one last time, and I waved to them. I waved, not knowing I would never see one of them again.
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